King Charles' coronation planning has had a few hiccups

'The time has come,' the Walrus said,

'To talk of many things:

Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax —

Of cabbages — and kings —

And why the sea is boiling hot —

And whether pigs have wings.'

— Lewis Carroll, The Walrus and the Carpenter

April's been a hefty news month here in the United States, what with a former president being indicted, a major broadcasting network losing settling a defamation suit from a voting machine-maker, two network luminaries being sacked, the current president announcing his re-election bid, Tax Day, tornadoes and landslides, another rash of shootings, more debt ceiling arguments, rulings in controversial Supreme Court cases and the explosion of a billionaire's vanity rocket.

So it might be difficult for Americans to get our heads around the fact that on the other side of the pond, the Mother Country has been focusing on something completely different.

Yep, Saturday will be a huge day for Great Britain: Prince Archie of Sussex turns 4. (In absentia, as California is currently part of the U.S., and that's where the Sussexes apparently now reside as Great Britain had become an allegedly hostile environment. But I digress.)

Oh wait — you were thinking something else is happening over there on Saturday?

Seems Archie's dad will miss his birthday because all reports indicate he'll be trekking to London, where his dad is scheduled to be officially crowned "the Most High, Most Mighty and Most Excellent Monarch, our Sovereign Lord, Charles III, now, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of His other Realms and Territories King, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith, and Sovereign of the Most Noble Order of the Garter."

Almost makes that Ph.D behind a college professor's name seem trivial, doesn't it?

Last time we checked in with King Chuck, he was struggling. Not with shoes or ships or sealing wax or cabbages, but with ink pens as he signed a million-billion official documents in the wake of Queen Elizabeth's death. And now, nearly seven months later, he's throwing the biggest party London has seen in 70 years.

Backstory:Is there some little thing that bugs you every stinking time? You're in good company.

It promises pomp, circumstance and more guys in red coats than you can shake a scepter at.

And yet, it appears the king is having a little trouble getting some people to come.

Ye royal event planners found booking entertainment for ye royal bash to be a bit more complicated than they might have imagined. Seems Adele, Elton John, the Spice Girls (the Spice Girls? What is this, 1997?), Harry Styles, Kylie Minogue and Ed Sheeran all found excuses had conflicts.

But not to worry — the Yanks are comin'! Americans Lionel Richie and Katy Perry are stepping into the breach like Gen. Eisenhower in Normandy. And they won't come back 'til it's over over there.

And why not? American Idol was a British import, after all.

But all those other performers aren't the only ones skipping the coronation. The king's second son will reportedly be there, but without his American wife, daughter Princess Lilibet and the aforementioned Archie.

That news also came this month, after months of speculation and reported negotiations to pull the squabbling royals together.

Ironically, the Fab Four who negotiated the Good Friday Agreement with Sinn Fein — Former Sen. George Mitchell, President Bill Clinton, former Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern and former British Prime Minister Tony Blair — recently got together in Northern Ireland to celebrate 25 years of relative peace. Maybe Charles should invite them to Buckingham Palace and turn 'em loose on William and Harry.

Because despite the bad blood, it seems a little petty that Meghan isn't going. "I don't get this," my friend Sandy mused. "Part of being married is going to family events: your niece's graduation, your spouse's cousin's wedding, your father-in-law's coronation."

But hey, I won't be attending, either.

Seems my coronation invitation got lost in the mail.

Tamela Baker is a Herald-Mail feature writer.

More Tammy:Have you ever wanted to be famous? Maybe it's better if you're not.